FILM REVIEW: Sherlock Gnomes (2018)

Directed by John Stevenson

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I would like to open my review of Sherlock Gnomes with a question. I don’t mean this condescendingly or in an elitist “Holier-Than-Thou” manner, but I just have to ask: are lawn gnomes what’s in with the kids these days? Like, even in the hipster-ironic sense? Maybe this could be a cute idea, maybe not, but whatever potential Sherlock Gnomes might have had (and there is some here and there) is crippled by an overabundance of pop culture pandering and one of the most obnoxious characters I’ve ever seen in a film.

With his arch-nemesis Moriarty (Jamie Demetriou) defeated, Sherlock Gnomes and assistant Dr. Watson (Johnny Depp and Chiwetel Ejiofor) are chomping at the bit for another mystery to solve. They get their chance when London’s garden gnomes begin going inexplicably missing. Meanwhile, Gnomeo and Juliet (James McAvoy and Emily Blunt), along with the rest of their company of gnomes, have settled into a new garden, and are put in charge of it. Unfortunately, not all is well in their marriage – Gnomeo attempts a romantic gesture by stealing a favored flower from a local shop, but it goes horribly wrong, and Juliet confronts him about it. Upon returning to the garden, their troupe of gnomes have gone missing, having fallen victim to this kidnapping ploy. Thankfully, they cross paths with Sherlock, and so the adventure begins, and the further into the mystery they delve, the more evident it becomes that Moriarty just might be behind everything.

I was not looking forward to Sherlock Gnomes, but I must say that I was somewhat won over in the first half of the film – perhaps this wouldn’t be too bad after all. The prologue presents three tiny gnomes introducing the gnome-ified version of Sherlock Holmes. In spite of its pandering with references to modern trends in TV and movies (Game of Gnomes, for instance), there was enough energy and fun in the presentation that may have called for a wee bit of eye-rolling, but still put a smile on my face.

I didn’t realize what a wonderful voice cast Sherlock Gnomes had until I looked further into the movie – along with everybody else mentioned, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that Michael Caine and Ozzy Osbourne were in this movie. Everybody gives their role 110% in the movie and sound like they’re having a ton of fun. It’s hard not to contract contagious energy like that. I especially enjoyed Johnny Depp as the titular narcissistic and pretentious detective.

So, in spite of the issues that were a little grating, I was having fun. That said, it is worth pointing out a scene in a Chinese restaurant. There’s nothing racist or grossly offensive, but if anybody accuses cultural insensitivity, your accusations are not unwarranted. That said, I personally didn’t find anything terribly offensive. The setting was also cleverly used and I got a huge kick out of the giant decorative fortune kitten.

The turning point hits like a freight train during a sequence in a gnome-sized speakeasy. Singer-songwriter Mary J. Blige voices the most terrifying Barbie-like doll you’ve ever seen, who is also Sherlock’s ex-lover (pardon?). The film completely slaps you in the face when an arbitrary song-and-dance number kicks in. There’s something about the shameless commercialism here that just feels insulting.

From here it only got worse, and it’s all on account of the damn villain Moriarty, who looks something like a cross between a yellow Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and an obese version of Greg from last year’s masterpiece of fecal-matter The Emoji Movie. Moriarty is easily one of the most obnoxious characters in recent memory. I won’t give away much, but I have no shame in announcing that Moriarty turns out to be behind the gnome kidnapping scheme (surprise, surprise). He just never…shuts…up. I can’t help but feel like those involved in the production knew this, and they try to excuse it by throwing in all sorts of self-aware Meta jokes. Okay, movie, just because you’re self-aware doesn’t excuse the obnoxiousness.

Moriarty isn’t one of those villains you love to hate. He’s not a villain you hate because of his evil, which would further your engagement in the plot. You just plain hate him. The climax is set on London Bridge. I spent the entire scene crossing my fingers hoping in vain Moriarty would just fall off and drown. I really don’t care how mean that sounded.

Along with this, there’s just so much pandering to what’s new and hot. Plenty of references to social media, cell phone lingo, the trickiness of selfies, and so on. It’s obvious that Sherlock Gnomes is doing to lawn gnomes what Toy Story did for toys. Was Toy Story a grand slam because of references to pop culture and a soundtrack with the latest hits? No; none of that is even present in the seminal Pixar film. It worked because of great characters and a unique and clever setting. Perhaps some of that was present in Sherlock Gnomes, but they got to make that money somehow, I suppose.

At the very least, Sherlock Gnomes doesn’t overstay its welcome, running a little over an hour and 20 minutes. Sherlock, Watson, Gnomeo, and Juliet as the two central duos are actually quite charming and make the film at least tolerable (there are even wonderful 2D sequences that enter the mind of Sherlock – easily the best parts of the movie), but putting up with everything else the movie throws at you is just not worth it.

One final note. A lawn gnome in a pink Borat-style bikini-speedo thing (I don’t know what it’s actually called) is not funny or cute. It’s awkward and kind of disturbing. Don’t do that again, movie.